Zefon Helmfill and Udil Dalzat: Part 1

   It all started when Zefon Helmfill woke up somewhere underneath the Fox Forest. It was the ninth time it had happened. Feeling excessively puzzled, Zefon swallowed strange oily rag, thinking it would make him feel better (it did not). Like a drunken sailor at happy hour, he realized that his beloved pickaxe was missing! Immediately he started looking around and found a body of his former cellmate, Udil Dalzat. Zefon had known Udil for half a million years, the majority of which were sassy ones. Udil Dalzat was unique. He was attractive though sometimes a little insensitive and quick to fire.

   Zefon touched Udil's lifeless body. Nothing happened. After that Udil calmly assured him that most Indonesian Devil Cats turn red before mating, yet legless puppies usually exotically grimace after mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Zefon.
   Why was Udil Dalzat trying to distract Zefon Helmfill? Because he had snuck out with his beer!. It was an enticing beer... how could he resist?
   It didn't take long before Zefon got back to the subject at hand: his beer. Udil sneezed. Relunctantly, Udil invited him over, assuring him they'd find the beer. Zefon grabbed his time machine and disembarked immediately. Udil Dalzat realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the beer and he had to do it skillfully. He figured that if Zefon took the time machine, it could break all his planes. And if Zefon took the cart? Udil Dalzat would be screwed.
   Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Udil was interrupted by eight stupid Feral Beaknose Dogs that were lured inside the room by his beer. Udil sighed: 'Not again'. Feeling concerned, he skillfully reached for his gerbil and carefully backhanded every one of them. Apparently this was an unadequate action -- the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the front door. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the cart rolling up. It was Zefon Helmfill.
   With a mighty leap, Zefon was out of the cart and went flamboyantly jaunting toward Udil Dalzat's room. Meanwhile inside, Udil was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the beer into a box of bananas.

   The doorbell rang.

   'Come in,' Udil scandalously purred. With a calculated push, Zefon Helmfill opened the door.  'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some Dimwitted Coke Fiend,' he lied.  'It's fine,' Udil assured him. Zefon took a seat RIGHT next to where Udil had hidden the beer. Udil yawned trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Zefon Helmfill was distracted. Before anyone could take off their pants, Udil Dalzat noticed an annoying look on Zefon Helmfill's face. Zefon Helmfill slowly opened his mouth to speak.

   '...What's that smell?'

   Udil Dalzat felt a stabbing pain in his fingernail when Zefon Helmfill asked this. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A clueless look started to form on Zefon Helmfill's face. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's bananas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Zefon nodded with fake acknowledgement... then, before Udil Dalzat could react, Zefon Helmfill thoughtfully lunged toward the box and searched. The beer was plainly in view.

   Zefon Helmfill stared at Udil Dalzat for what must've been nine nanoseconds. Udil groped flamboyantly in Zefon's direction, clearly desperate. Zefon grabbed the beer and bolted for the door.  It was locked. Udil let out a exotic chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so desperate for that thing, none of this would have happened, Zefon Helmfill,' he rebuked. Udil always had been a little abrasive, so Zefon knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Udil did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at him or something. Ever so extemperaneously, he gripped the beer tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
   Udil looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Zefon. Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Zefon Helmfill. 'Oh. You okay?' Still silence. Udil walked over to the window and looked down. Zefon was gone.

Rovod Gusilamem and his fate

    Rovod Gusilamem was a proud, bald ale drinker with long brown beard and always dirty face. He was fifty-nine years old dwarf with lousy intellect born of the 2nd of Sandstone in the year 192. Annoyed by rain. He was tall and fat. He had an ability to focus on ale. It made him clumsy and very quick to fire. His motto: "For the booze and industry!"

    Rovod looked at the Clumsy Axe in his hands and felt fat. He walked over to the anvil and reflected on his dirty sounds. Rovod always hated his home - the hopeless Adil Esdor with its cruel, but brave existing. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel fat.

    Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the shapeless figure of Kadol Rovodnanir. Kadol was a mean stupid woman with hairy ass and broad elbows.

    Rovod gulped and closed the door immediately. Once, Rovod had defeated a giant toad from the Swamps Of Hell. But not even a proud person who had once defeated giant toad was prepared for what Kadol had in the pockets today.

    The wind blew like an old dog with enormous stomach, making Rovod sad.
    As Rovod finally stepped outside his cave and Kadol came closer, he could see the little glint in her eye. "I am here because I want peace," Kadol bellowed, in a tactless tone. Rovod grabbed her hair and pulled inside the cave, then he slammed her head against anvil, with the force of 2376 trolls. "I frigging hate you, Kadol." Rovod was drunk.

    After this he looked back and fell, - even more drunk he became, - and picked up the Clumsy Axe. "Kadol, I just don't need you in my life anymore," he said.

    They looked at each other with drunk feelings. They remembered that fire accident, the folk music playing in the background and two dumb uncles fighting.

    Rovod studied Kadol's hairy face and elbows. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but I can't give you peace," he explained, in pitying tone.

    Kadol looked bad, her body was like an old ale barrel. Rovod could actually cut Kadol's body into 2361 pieces. But he couldn't.

    Not even a drink of ale would calm Rovod's nerves tonight.